not yets

When I feel like my life is falling apart, I tend to call my mom a lot. During normal times in life, I usually talk to her once a day. When things are really going great, sometimes we only talk every three days. The past 3 weeks I think we’ve averaged talking on the phone three times a day. Such is life. We were talking on the phone on Friday and she mentioned a job opportunity; obviously this unemployed almost-college graduate’s ears perked up. She went onto say that there currently aren’t any of this position, but there would be soon. The department is not in a place to hire quite yet. Not yet. I responded back saying, “This seems to be the season of ‘not quite yets’, huh?” She chuckled and said confidently, “Caitlin, it’s going to fall into place soon.”

My life does not look like what I thought it would, as college graduation is less than a week away. Instead of apartment searching in Chicago, I’m preparing to move home with my parents. Instead of being about to start a cool new job, I’m still unemployed and applying for things with the only necessary qualification being a high school diploma. Two weeks ago in the midst of what will go down as probably the worst week of my life thus far, I heard the Lord say, “Caitlin, I needed to drastically redirect you.” And that He did. From a place of confidence in what the future looked like to the yuckiness of complete uncertainty. Yet, I’m reminded that I never really knew what the future looked like.

So here I am, in complete uncertainty, waiting. Waiting. Waiting for the not yets to become exciting cheers of finally. I am waiting to see what job God provides, waiting to see what church I end up attending, and waiting to see what community I’ll be a part of. Waiting reminds me of just how much I like to be in the know. I like to make plans, and have the necessary information to make said plans. That’s not my reality right now. I move home in exactly a week and all I know is that I’ve filled out a bunch of job applications, and I’ll be working at J.Crew until something else works out. Waiting reminds me that the only thing worthy of hope is Christ. In fact, my life here on earth is merely a waiting period until the perfect eternity of heaven. As much as I hate it, waiting is a reality; Moses and the Israelites waited in the desert for 40 years. In fact the premise of Christianity is built around the Jews waiting on a messiah, or Jesus. Entire generations waited.

As I journaled this morning, I was reminded that God cares more about my sanctification than He does my comfort. I am not comfortable right now. Waiting makes me anxious. It makes me a doubter. But it also reminds me that I serve a faithful God. I serve a God who goes to great measures to redirect me to a place that is not just good, but great. I serve a God who is working all things so that they do fall into place… in His timing, not mine. He will redeem all of these not yets for His glory.