Monday Lovin'

After a jam-packed month of August, I forced myself to breathe this weekend. With clean sheets, freshly shaved legs and a rested soul, I feel ready to face the week with gratitude and enthusiasm. Instead of wanting to flip Monday morning off, I’m ready to greet her like a best friend because this Monday I’m lovin’…

1) Mexican food: Bakersfield lived up to all the hype. Margaritas, tacos and great time with friends was a perfect start to the weekend. A group of us met in downtown Indianapolis after work and re-connected. We’ve decided to make it at least a monthly tradition! What a great way to end a work week – wonderful food, tasty cocktails and beautiful friends.

2) Two of my best friends celebrated birthdays this weekend. Oh how thankful I am for each one of them! Waking up in the morning and saying a sweet prayer to Jesus for putting them in my life put a smile on my face all weekend long. These two women have reminded me of who Jesus is, even during the darkness, hardest seasons of my life. Even when life is tough, and not meeting my expectations, I’m reminded that God sees, knows and loves me because of friends like these two. I wish I could have celebrated with each of them on their special days.

3) The Needtobreathe Pandora radio station has been my soundtrack for the past couple weeks. It’s full of fun, upbeat songs and some great Christian artists. I’ve loved listening to it in the background as I’ve worked and on long runs. It’s always fun to hear new songs and new artists that I wouldn’t ordinarily stumble upon myself. I highly encourage taking a listen!

4) I’m a summer girl, so as everyone gets excited about fall – fall clothes, pumpkin spice lattes and cooler temperatures – I roll my eyes a little bit. But, the color chartreuse (read: mustard) is a dominant color in the J.Crew fall color palate and I could not be more excited. I cannot wait to purchase an Expedition Vest in this super fall color! While the thought of party tanks, chino shorts, sundresses and flip flops going back in the back of my closet makes me want to cry, I am excited for some new colors to add into my closet.

5) I celebrated one year at MLJ Adoptions last week! I’ve loved working for this company that believes that children belong in families and is passionate about finding families for children in need. Over the past year, I have learned so many valuable lessons about advocacy, poverty, international relations, families, parenting and God’s love. I am thankful for the special stories that God has invited be to witness – stories of strong, resilient children being given a chance to thrive in a loving family environment. 

fear

August has been a whirlwind of a month. It started lakeside with some of my most favorite friends. We spent Saturday night catching each other up on our lives. The real stuff, the nitty gritty, not the Facebook/Instagram versions of who we are. We got real. We shared some dreams and some frustrations. I told my best friend that I wanted it to be Lake Weekend every weekend; she kindly reminded me that it wouldn’t be real life, and that we all have a threshold for vulnerability. That weekend really set the tone for the past couple weeks. I felt like I left the weekend with more questions than I arrived with, even though my heart was incredibly full.

No one told me how difficult grown up life was going to be. It’s hard, gut wrenching work to wrestle with your life’s calling, to discern the difference between good and right and to live in the present, taking into account when bills are due. Add in actually living life and it’s enough to make me want to throw in the towel on adulthood. Note: I’ve tried throwing in the towel, but everyone keeps telling me that it’s impossible. I’m learning about some of my big-time insecurities that I’ve spent the last 7 years trying to ignore. Scary fears that have been causing me to walk with a limp and not even realize it.

Last week, while reading Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly (shameless plug), I asked myself the questions: What are you afraid of? What are those fears preventing you from doing? I think the first question is fairly easy to answer, but it’s that second one that pierced my already fragile, tender heart. It’s a good thing to put a face on our fears. Our teachers and parents have been telling us to do that since we were in elementary school. But, putting a face on a fear doesn’t mean it is not still crippling. It was asking that question when I realized just how much I’ve let fear rule my life. I’ve let fear dictate the path and set the pace. Have you ever tried to run at someone else’s pace? It’s hard, even if it’s slower than you normally run; it’s uncomfortable and sometimes more tiring. Fear’s been doing that to me for as long as I can remember.

I keep asking myself where do I go from here? This weird, uncertain, really raw place where I sometimes cry in my car. Who do I become once I’ve stripped away fears that I’ve let define me for the majority of adult life? Who am I, really? And, can I sort all this stuff out by Monday morning since it’s the start of a 60-hour work week?

I wish there was a ten-step plan to work through on my own timeline, which would obviously be the next week, not the next few years. I also wish it were easier, or just less painful. But there’s not ten-step plan and there’s no quick fix, although I try to prove that shopping solves some of the problems.

I think the first step choose to be brave. Brave has to mean different things in different contexts. Brave for the Apostle Paul was returning to Jerusalem knowing that persecution awaited him, but that he could not be disobedient. He was brave because he obeyed and he showed up in an uncomfortable situation.

I’m not marching into persecution and three years in prison, at least that I know of, but I still think brave right now for me means to keep showing up. Showing up for my friends. Showing up for my jobs. Showing up for myself. Being present in this moment knowing that this moment is enough. Knowing that I’m enough. Learning to run at my own pace. Just let me figure out what my pace is first.

Monday Lovin'

It is a Happy Monday! With a full heart and refreshed spirit, I head back into work this morning feeling encouraged by deep friendships and beautiful backdrops. When you have a friend whose parents have a lake house within driving distance, invite a fun group of people and GO! I promise you wouldn't regret it. Oh, and wait until the second night, after a full day in the sun, to ask a deep question. Sit back, listen, share, and encourage as people talk. It’s a sacred thing to watch. 

Summer Reflections

As July winds down, summer is almost over. Which breaks my heart. Summer is a special season to me, full of wonderful memories spent at my grandparents’ house when my family came back from Japan for 8 weeks each summer. Summer is when it’s socially acceptable to eat ice cream for many meals. Summer sunsets are very special to me. It’s summer when I feel God closest to me, when I know that no matter what my heart is going through, it’s all going to be okay. And even though the summer isn’t quite over, no matter what this 75 degree Indiana day wants us to believe, I’d love to share about what I’ve learned this summer.

1. Busy is not a way to describe how I’m am. It doesn’t count. It may be true of my schedule, but it’s a cop out. It says that what I fill my calendar with is more important that who I am, which is a lie I’m trying to fight hardcore in my life. Busy has a negative connotation, almost to say that I’m a victim to the things I’ve said yes to. These things I’ve said yes to are good things – I need to quit making myself a victim to them. Working a second job is not something that has happened to me; I’ve made the conscious decision and I truly do love working there, I need to stop complaining and start celebrating. I am not and will not be a victim to this culture of busy. Yes, there are times when I may need to say no, or slow down, but that is not a reflection of who I am, simply of what I choose to do. 

2. Adoption changes lives. It’s been a busy summer at work, and some evenings I’ve taken work home, or I’ve gotten up early to get to the office to get stuff done. I’m beyond thankful that I have the privilege of working a job that changes the lives of children in need. For older children and children with special needs, when a family chooses to adopt them, their lives are changed. In some cases, adoption means that a child gets to live. I love that I get to work in an industry that actually changes lives.

3. Goals are a good thing. I want to get out of debt and pay off my student loans. If you’ve met me in the past year, I’ve probably shared that I have a second job to pay off my loans, or how I can’t wait to be debt free. I’ve tried to put my money where my mouth is and get serious about paying off my student loans. I’m making progress and it’s so empowering! It’s silly, but I love being able to make progress and meet goals on something that I’ve decided is very important to me.

4. God wants me to be healthy. This means that I put good food in my body, make sure I’m working out enough and also setting healthy boundaries. It’s easy to want to say yes to everything, or be all things to all people, but God wants me to give the things I’ve committed to the best I can and this requires me to set boundaries. I also cannot fix people, I must draw a healthy boundary to love people well. Boundaries bring freedom. Emotional, financial and physical health bring freedom.

5. Those who were part of the early church were brave. I’ve been hanging out in the book of Acts this month and my mind continues to be blown at the ways the followers of Christ responded to God’s commands immediately. Incredible results follow radical obedience. I want to obey quicker, and with bigger faith. As I’ve been reading, I keep asking God to help me develop my “faith muscle”. Like with any muscle, I have got to work at it slowly and surely, even when it’s uncomfortable.

I’ve been reading my way through 2014 and this summer, I have enjoyed numerous books with a glass of wine sitting on my patio, or with my tumbler on the beach (the best place to read). Some of my favorite books of the summer are:

Behind the Beautiful Forevers (Katherine Boo), Deepening Community (Paul Born), Boundaries (Cloud & Townsend) and my new favorite book – The Ragamuffin Gospel (Brennan Manning). I highly recommend all of these books!

What have you learned this summer? 

Monday Lovin'

Happy Monday! Man, Mondays are tough, especially after a fabulous three day weekend getaway. I spent the weekend in Cleveland hanging out with two of my favorite people! I’ve known Sami for about 5 years; we met my freshman year at IU and I had no idea at the time the role she would go onto play in my life. It was Sami who introduced Jesus to me, and shared about just how much He loves me (while sitting on the floor of Ballentine Hall eating paninis). It was Sami who greeted me when I ran off the Rush Bus on Bid Day. It was Sami who I cried to over the phone the night before my grandmother’s funeral. It was Sami who introduced me to Mad Mushroom cheesy bread. It was Sami who came out with me at midnight on my 21st Birthday, even though she had to student teach in the morning. 

Sami and her husband, Chris, now live in Cleveland, which is the perfect destination for a weekend away. Cleveland has awesome restaurants, breweries, parks, a beach, a cool skyline, and lots of green space. I loved getting to lay-out and eat some good food while spending time with sweet friends. We also watched Law & Order: SVU -- my favorite! 

Sami and Chris also recently got a dog, a golden-doodle named Graham, who is ADORABLE! He was a blast to take on walks and since he’s a puppy, he’s super playful. He’s literally the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!

Thank you Sami and Chris for hosting me this weekend! I loved having the opportunity to see Cleveland, and spend such great time with the two of you! It is such a gift to have friends who have known me over highs and lows in my life. I'm thankful for lifelong friends who remind me of just how good God is. 

Monday Lovin'

Happy Monday! The morning came early for me today, and now I’m off to start another week. This week I want to choose joy over frustration, disappointment and worry. Here are some things that help me choose joy.

1. Great friends: There is something special about deep friendships that is good for my heart. Friends unafraid to ask hard questions, friends who can jump from a serious topic to a witty one-liner without notice, friends who tell you what you need to hear without prompting. Relationships are worth the fight.

2. My job: Adoption comes at a high cost, both emotionally and financially, and with risk. I believe God honors the risk. There are two specific stories of kiddos whose lives have been changed by adoption and for them it has meant life. On days when it’s hard to get out of bed or the monotony is a little draining, I think of the faces of the sweet kids to whom adoption is one of the ways God is redeeming their pasts.

3. I am enough and I have enough: This new saying of mine is helping me remember that things aren’t going to make me happy and to not use spending money to escape from reality. Real life is hard work, the mornings come early and there’s always another bill due or meal to cook, but mixed in with the real is really rich moments that I miss if I’m trying to numb myself to the hard stuff. 

obedience

I’ve been hanging out in the Early Church with the Apostles this month. No, but really. I have not learned time travel, but in spending time the book of Acts I’m learning about these brave, bold men and women who were followers of The Way before Christianity was officially Christianity. Each person fits into the story in a special way, as if the story depends on him or her to play his or her role. And the dependence on the Holy Spirit is undeniable; I want to live more like the Early Church, open to the true power of the Risen Christ in my life, Him living in me and through me.

I usually camp out in the Pauline Epistles with Paul. I love me some Paul. Freedom, grace, love – these are a few of my favorite things. But right now, I’m captivated by Ananias. It’s Ananias who speaks to Saul, after Saul has encountered Christ, and Ananias says, “Brother Saul, the Lord – Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here – has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit” (Acts 9:17). This, seemingly small moment, is a bold act of obedience for Ananias; no one really knew if Saul could be trusted, or if the Holy Spirit was going to soften Saul’s heart. Saul could have ordered Ananias to be put to death, or even acted indifferent towards the words Ananias spoke. And yet, this act of obedience for Ananias changes history.

We don’t know much else about Ananias, but we do have lots of additional information about Saul, our friend Paul who, led by the Holy Spirit, authored about half of the New Testament. I’m blown away by Ananias though. His obedience means so much in light of we get to know on this side of history. Yes, in the vision, Ananias is told that Paul is going to be God’s “chosen instrument”, so he has some idea of what could happen, but God tells and Ananias obeys.

God uses this ordinary act of obedience to produce extraordinary results.

Not all acts of obedience are made equal. Sometimes it takes years or generations to see the fruit. Sometimes something that seems big doesn’t take a lot of thought or second-guessing. Sometimes obeying is the last thing we want to do. But we obey. After reading and thinking on Ananias’ radical obedience and the boldness of the Early Church, I want to obey better, in the small stuff and the big stuff. I want to live knowing that has created a special role for me in the building of His Kingdom, but I need to say yes, to be able to step into it. It may be a baby step, a seemingly unimportant conversation, or huge leap of faith, but as Ananias demonstrates, obedience leads to something extraordinary. 

a month

I’ve had A MONTH. A month with no breathing room. A month where I feel like I gave way more than I got. A month full of uncertainty, no rights and no wrongs. A month of a lot of moving, but not much progress. A month that has thrown me back on my butt.

The scary thing is how well I can do these months. Months without time to process, without time to cook a real meal and months without time to even watch Netflix. I can power through just about anything. Eventually I go numb. A couple of weeks ago, I canceled my evening plans to give myself a night to breathe. I spent good time processing on the treadmill and realized just how much bondage I am in… to being busy. Seriously, it’s like a new addiction. Thus the numbness.

When I choose busyness over a slower pace and space, I miss out on so much. I am so preoccupied with what comes next that I forget to stop and say a prayer of thanks for what is. I miss out on the opportunity to see the people around me for who they are, and not just how they fit into my schedule. The most dangerous thing that happens is that I start to define myself based on what I’m doing and not who I am. Why is this one the most dangerous? Because if I’m measured based on what I do, I fail every time. Defining myself based on doing and not being puts me on the throne. It forces me in performance mode. It changes how I view God.

I want to be concerned about being so that the doing flows naturally. In a society obsessed with what you do for a living and what you’ve achieved, I want to be defined solely by who I am and what I stand for. I want my 5 year goals to be about characteristics I want God to develop in me, not things to check off the list. I want to get lost in the truth that God says I’m enough, and not exhaust myself trying to prove to the world that I am.

It’s time to slow down. To exhale. To rest. To remember that I have enough and that I am enough. 

Monday Lovin'

Happy Monday! Mondays seems more difficult in the summer when the weekends are packed with fun things. Last weekend was full of excitement, and I spent all last week recovering, only to have another exciting weekend. I feel so blessed to have special friends to do life with. It seems that these days there’s always something worth celebrating! Things I’m loving this Monday:

1.) About a month ago, I had shared that I loved being able to join support teams of my friends going on mission trips or going into vocational ministry. Even more fun is getting their prayer letters updating me on how God is moving. As I opened my mail this past week, I was giddy reading about the ways God is using my dear friends to take the Gospel to new places. Prayer letters are the best!

2.) This bride. She’s a special one. I loved having the opportunity to celebrate her two weeks before she gets married. I have no doubt in my mind that she’s going to make an excellent Mrs. Cooper!

3.) Fresh fruit. ‘Tis the season for yummy fruit! I loved being about to go to the grocery store this weekend and load up on fruit for the week. I cannot wait to satisfy my sweet tooth with things that are good for me and not just junk. (Although… ice cream!)

4.) Summer vacation adventures. I’ve managed to save up all my PTO since I started working in September to use for fun times this summer. I cannot wait for a beach vacation with my extended family, time in Cleveland, a lake weekend and finishing up the summer in Las Vegas. It’s hard to believe that I will have taken two Las Vegas vacations in the 2014. I’m so blessed to have friends who live all over the country who are eager for visitors! 

Monday Lovin'

I’ve been slacking on Monday Lovin’; partially because I’m a workaholic and partially because I’ve just been so busy, but I figured better late than never this week. Without further ado, the things I’m loving this week.

1) The Pacers. Being raised in Cincinnati, I’ve gotten to root for whichever NBA team I wanted. In high school, LeBron James played for Cleveland, and so my family rooted for Cleveland. Then he left, and my dad being the huge sports fan that he is, decided that he was still going to root for LeBron. Moving to Indianapolis this fall has put me in an awkward position sports wise. It’s a no brainer to root for IU sports, and I’ve always liked the Colts, but the Pacers have taken more time. Needless to say, I’m pulling for the Pacers. It’s fun to see a city rally around their athletes and their teams. I also love the way the Pacers play as a team and not as individuals; it’s so encouraging.

2) Summer. While it goes without saying, I’m already loving the summer time. Warm weather, fruity drinks, and lots of time by the pool – it puts everyone in a better mood. If you haven’t already, I recommend you try the Coors Light Summer Brew; it’s fantastic!

3) The Monon. While training for the mini marathon, I fell in love with the Monon. My love affair didn’t end with the race. This summer my motto is “Get fast, get fit, get tan.” I’m hoping to run another half marathon this fall, and I want to train better and smarter, and that starts now, with some long runs on the Monon. It’s a good thing I like it!

4) She Reads Truth. A daily devotional right out of the Bible. It’s a great way to start my morning, or if I’m being completely honest, end my day. It’s the perfect length and right now we’re reading through Nehemiah, a book of the Bible I’ve never read through. I’m really enjoying learning more and getting to read scripture in a new way. My favorite way to study scripture is to go deep and truly pick it apart, but this is perfect for the season of life I’m in right now. Reading it every day keeps me rooted and focused on what matters. I’ve been feeling really weighed down by grown up stuff – health insurance, cars, jobs, etc. so the reminder of eternity and God’s faithfulness through the scriptures is just what I need.

I hope you enjoyed your Memorial Day weekend! I’m thankful for all those who have served our wonderful country. We are blessed because of their sacrifice! Have a great week! 

one year post-college

Exactly a year ago today, I graduated from college. Cue the tears because college was an amazing four years, and I still can’t believe it’s over. In the year since I graduated, my view on how special my college experience was has not changed. I hold the four years I spent in Bloomington, spending way more time with friends than at the library, hanging out every Thursday night in Woodburn 100, and the sweet friendships I developed on IU’s beautiful campus so close to my heart. But, that season ended a year ago. My life has gone on.

In the Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens says, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Maybe he was prophesying the last year of my life. Since May 2013, I’ve lived in three different cities, worked three different jobs, spent more money than I care to admit on clothes, moved into my first apartment where I was responsible for paying rent, paid off an eighth of my student loan, bought a car (ask me how I feel about car payments), ran a half marathon, hosted some sweet parties, experienced the most difficult transition of my life to date, applied for 50+ jobs, attended four weddings, threw some fun parties, had only a handful of weekends with no work, and joined a church. This year has brought some of my highest highs, but also some of my lowest lows. When you’re eating ice cream out of the tub on a Wednesday morning at 10:30AM while watching your second episode of West Wing for the day, you know you’ve hit a new low.

But the things I did pale in comparison to the most significant lesson I’ve learned.

Over and over again, I cried out to the Lord, “It wasn’t supposed to be this way.” Depending on the day, I sometimes continued, “But I’m happy at the way it’s turning out.” Some days I could do anything but cry into my pillow. It was a year of life not meeting my expectations. I had a pretty little picture in my head of what this year was supposed to look like. Needless to say, it has not looked like that pretty little picture. It hasn’t been neat, orderly, or pretty. It’s been messy, hard and beautiful. I jokingly refer to the person I was last spring as “young and dumb.” I just didn’t know any better. I saw what other people’s lives looked like, combined that with my own desires and then just expected.

But I take beautiful over pretty any day. This is not the first or the last time that life will not meet my expectations. Marriage is not a walk in the park. Parenting is not endless dandelion bouquets and Mother’s Day cards. The question is, what will I do when life fails to meet my expectations? Will I sulk and allow it to make me bitter? Or will I run hard in the arms of a God who continually exceeds my expectations?

The wisdom and intimacy I’ve gained with God by walking through the peaks and the valleys with Him this last year is far more special than any picture I had in my head of how my life was supposed to look.  

Monday Lovin'

Normally I write on Mondays about things that I’m especially enjoying, but I’m just back from a wonderful weekend in one of my favorite places, so I’m going to celebrate some of the special moments.

The red tulips look beautiful, even in the dark! 

1. I believe that everyone has a special, unique story worth telling. Last Little 500 weekend, a group of my friends set up a card table in one of the off campus housing complexes and gave out free pizza to any one willing to share their story with us. It has always been our prayer that we could then share the Gospel with them, but does not usually happen. This year, I prayed that we would have the opportunity to share the Gospel at least once – fully preparing myself to be disappointed. Forget Thomas the doubter, I’m Caitlin the doubter. Our group had the opportunity to share the Gospel 6 times with countless other spiritual conversations! We gave out ten pizzas and 24 donuts within an hour and a half. Watching God exceed my low expectations, and remind me that He is a God who intersects His story with our stories was a highlight of the weekend.

2. Spending time with two of my senior friends was beautiful. Things get real the last couple weeks of college as you process through your memories, the person you’ve become and your dreams of the future. Two of my best friends graduate in 2 weeks, and I got to spend great one-on-one time with them, hearing about their lives, and also listening as they shared about what they hope the next season of life bring them.

3. Heart to hearting on the comfy red couch. Not all couches, or friendships are made equally. The comfy red couch that lived at Cat Palace for 2 years might be my favorite piece of furniture that I don’t own. Saturday night, I curled up on the couch, which a cup a tea and a very dear friend and we talked. Beth Moore talks about being authentic with all, transparent with most and intimate with some. This friendship is intimate and sweet. We talked about our last year and asked each other questions that got real answers. I’m so thankful for how God has used her to refine me and make me the person I am today.

4. I’ve shared before, but a group of my friends and I are working through Beth Moore’s study on James. This weekend we met in Bloomington and over breakfast we listened to the lesson. It’s been a highlight of the year to journey through challenging scripture with these girls and know that God is transforming us through His Word.

5. I love a good adventure, but they’re hard to plan. You never know exactly who is up for what and where things may lead you. Friday night was the perfect adventure. We pretended we were still college students and visited some of our favorite places on campus, telling stories about our favorite college memories and laughing, a lot. The five friends I was with have shown me what friendship looks like and have taught me about faith in such a real way, it was wonderful to reconnect and adventure with them.  

What are highlights from your weekend?

Monday Lovin'

After a wonderful weekend celebrating Easter, family and spring, it’s back to the grind on this Monday morning. I’m thankful for a 9-5 job that I love, supportive friends and family and a very special church here in Indianapolis. They make the grind less mundane. This Monday I’m loving:

1.) A dad who I share lots in common with. We were all talking at Easter brunch about our personality types. My dad and I (as far as Myers-Briggs) could not be more different. However, I hold our shared interests very close to my heart. He and I both love running, in fact we’re training for a mini-marathon in 2 weeks, we love reading, Barnes and Noble is a dangerous place for us, and beer, him probably more than me, but I do like it. I am thankful for a special relationship with him.

2.) Ice Cream. When I decided to give up sweets for lent, there was still snow on the ground. I did not for one second think through how I was going to celebrate the advent of spring without ice cream. As soon as Easter hit, I didn’t waste any time – I got ice cream last night with friends! I gave up sweets to break some back habits I had with food and to start seeing it in a healthy way. I’m so thankful for these 40 days; I look at food with new eyes. Needless to say though, I’m excited that I can go get ice cream with my friends now.

3.) This book. Someone suggested it to me my sophomore year of college and each time my dad takes my sister book shopping I look for it, and yesterday it was there! I’ve devoured it; it’s that good. Shauna Niequist makes me want to be a writer, a writer who speaks of hope, reminding us about the good in the world because a good God loves us.

4.) Redemption. Easter is a beautiful holiday to remember that yes, new things are great, but even better are the things we thought were lost, but instead they’ve been given new life. I like brand new, but even more, I like worn, old, broken-in, but seen with new eyes. Some of the best friendships in my life have been those that I was ready to walk away from, but I’ve stayed in them, and watched God change me and make the friendship even more special. I’m thankful that a life in Christ means that all that has been lost will be redeemed.

Happy Monday – may you be able to delight in things that you love today J

it was worth it

Saturday morning, I helped organize an information session on adopting from Latin America. We had families join us who were at all stages in the adoption process, including having finished their processes. If you know anything about adopting, you know that the process is long. No one understands setbacks, uncertainties, and waiting like adoptive parents. One of the adoptive moms said, about her daughter, “She was so worth it, I’d do it all over again, without a doubt.”

As I stood in church on Palm Sunday and listened to the worship band lead our church in worship, I was struck by how the woman’s words about her daughter are true of those of us who have been adopted into God’s family. At the end of this week, we’ll celebrate Easter; God’s declaration that sin is not the end of our story. Our past, present and future sins were paid for on the cross that fateful day 2,000 years ago and now, Jesus reigns from his true throne in heaven. Each year, on Easter, we celebrate Christ’s sacrifice; He reminds us that we are worth it.

The author of Hebrews says of Jesus, “for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.” The joy is us, individually and collectively – believers, members of the Body of Christ. I can’t get the image of the triumphal entry out of my head today; the palms being waved and people shouting, “Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest.” All the while, Jesus knew what He was headed towards. He knew that this was the beginning of the end. At the end of the road was a painful death, but He chose to walk the road anyways. He eventually carried His own cross to His own crucifixion. And yet, it was His joy. It was worth it to Him. His death and resurrection declare that we were worth it.

Let’s not forget, that we did nothing to earn it. We mine as well have been given hammers to hammer the nails ourselves. We are worthy because of His sacrifice. Just like the little girl who was adopted did not have to earn her mother’s love for the process to be worth it, God saw us in our sins, at the beginning of time, and decided Jesus would still come. His love makes us worthy.

Just as the little girl’s identity changed from an orphan to a daughter, so did mine when I accepted Christ. Adoption is forever. I am part of God’s family for eternity. I am worth it because He says I am. I can’t earn a better spot in His family; I’m all in. This week, that’s the truth I want to live out as I prepare to celebrate Christ’s death and resurrection. I want to honor Him and His sacrifice. He said I am worth it – will I do the same for Him?

Monday Lovin'

Happy Monday! I don’t know about you, but sometimes I think that half of the struggle of Mondays is admitting that the weekend is over. Especially when the weekend was full of fun! When I started my job in September, I promised myself that I would not live for the weekends, but do my best to enjoy every day; each day has something special to offer. Even Mondays. Here’s what I’m loving on this rainy Monday:

1) The warm weather. Yes, I’m aware that we’re supposed to get some snow showers this evening, but all the sunshine this weekend made my heart so happy! I was able to wear shorts and put on my sunglasses. Spring has arrived!

2) My J.Crew Navy Field Jacket. When I got mine for super cheap last August, I never could have imagined how much I would love it. Its shiny gold buttons and versatility has made it one of my favorite things in my closet. It’s a great year-round item because it’s lightweight and neutral, and a great alternative to a blazer.

3) Support Letters. Tis the season for my college aged and missionary friends to begin raising support for their summer adventures or another year of vocational ministry. I absolutely love receiving letters asking me to be a part of their team and join them as they take the Gospel to the nations! While I am confident of where the Lord has me in this season, some days I long to give it all* away and go! By helping to support them, I can be part of their adventure and watch their hearts change as a result. *When I say “all” I mean everything except my Navy Field Jacket J

4) Jen Hatmaker’s Interrupted is rocking my world. She writes about how a small prayer changed her and her family’s life to be more outwardly focused. It’s convicting me that maybe I’m chasing the wrong things. It’s not about climbing the social ladder, it’s about hanging out at the bottom. The bottom is where Jesus lived. The bottom is the holy land. She at one point said, “We’re all poor, I just have more stuff,” and elaborated on what it looks like to be poor in spirit. Jesus, show me just how poor I am so I let you meet my every need.

It’s Easter week, which means I get to see my family this weekend! Today, I’m choosing joy on a Monday because life is good and God is good. Let’s choose joy together today! What are you loving this Monday? 

Monday Lovin' is inspired by Sami and her wonderful photo/life blog! Check it out here! 

Monday Lovin'

This song, specifically the line, “Jesus, every victory is found in You,” is my favorite right now. I love the reminder of how Christ defines every part of my life. I am not defined by anything expect who He is and what He says about me. Also, Vertical Church Band is the best :) 

The warm spring weather is so refreshing. Even the rain is a welcome change to bitter cold winds and snow. I loving having the chance to sit on my apartment patio, read and watch the sunset. I’m thankful for spring and everything it represents.

Fresh flowers this spring are making my heart happy! In three weeks my apartment has seen red & pink tulips. I’ve never really considered myself a flower girl, but they really liven up our space.

Mini-marathon training has been so great. I love making my body stronger, feeding it good food for good fuel, and celebrating milestone accomplishments. Extra fun – seeing friends on the Monon trail in the middle of a 10 mile run. 

Bazbeaux's Pizza. Yes. I would eat it at least once a week. It. Is. The. Best. 

march

As we wrap up March, I’m left thinking through everything I’ve done. I’m thankful that I think we’ve seen the end of snow (although maybe not) and that the sun is shining. I’m also thankful that Scandal has all new episodes through the end of the season… what can I say? I’m addicted. Not only am I thankful for trashy (well-done television), but I’m also thankful for the lessons learned this month.

1. A good church body is special. I’m officially a member of Harvest Bible Chapel North Indy, and words cannot express how thankful I am to be a part of what God is doing there. The small group I’ve joined is also spectacular. I’m learning that a church that is purposefully outwardly focused is beautiful. I’m learning that there are churches that exist who truly train and develop their members. The job of the church is to “equip the saints for the work of the ministry.” I can’t quite call myself a saint, but I’m being equipped!

2. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are a great dinner. Even when you're 23. Please don't judge. 

3. Nothing can brighten up an apartment in between seasons like flowers. Bright red tulips J

4. The Book of James can do a number on a heart. Take my word for it. It’s beautiful, convicting, challenging and life-changing. Totally worth the butt kicking. Like after a great workout, I’m feeling stronger and more in shape for the race of life. It’s so practical for where I am in life right now – perseverance, humility and pure religion – those are things I want to be true of me.

I pray that I would have a teachable heart for more months like March. I pray that amidst the busyness and caffeine I would be alert to each moment as it comes, not living in the past and not overly focused on the future, but here in the now, with whatever beauty it has to offer. 

thoughts on a feeling filled day

This afternoon I made a wise decision to log off of social media and stop reading blogs for the remainder of the day. I have a terrible habit of letting things get to me. I can get so caught up in the words that other people are saying that I forget what’s true. I start running towards other people’s opinions and getting angry when others disagree with them. In today’s society, everyone has an opinion on everything. Or, if they’re like me, they have feelings about everything.

Everything I’ve read about World Vision has me paralyzed with feelings. Feelings of confusion, feelings of outrage, feelings of apathy; if it’s a negative feeling, in the past 12 hours I’ve felt it. And by the time I’ve sat down to write, the controversial decision has been reversed, but my feelings are still there. I want to blame someone for all of the chaos and hurt.

I keep coming back to one of the most significant conversations I’ve ever had. I sat across from a dear friend in the IMU Starbucks as she spoke truth into my life that I’ve never been able to let go of. We were talking about my life and my walk with Christ and the high standards I set for people. She looked me in the eyes and said, full of grace and truth, “Caitlin, you just don’t think you’re THAT bad.”

It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to hear, but has been the most formative and challenging. Because I am THAT bad. Pre-Jesus, I was an enemy of God. Even if I had been the only person on the planet, Christ still would have had to come and die a brutal death on the cross from my sins. The Apostle Paul says it like this, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst” (1 Timothy 1:15). I am the worst. I couldn’t not sin tomorrow even if I tried.

But God, being rich in mercy and abounding in love, refused to let sin be the end of my story. In Jesus, He gave me an escape route. I did nothing to earn it. Nothing. I am a broken sinner in desperate need of a savior, and God provided Jesus. Grace does not make sense.

I don’t pretend to be an expert on anything. I can’t make theological arguments or even quote the correct scripture most of the time, but what I do know is that on either side of the argument, the way we talk matters. Where we talk from matters. I want to talk from a place of humility, remembering what God has saved me from and saves me from each and every day. A god who humbled Himself and made Himself nothing. He washed the dirty feet of the disciples and died a criminal’s death.

So in the midst of the chaos and confusion of my own heart and mind, I’ll cling to what I know and let God guide the rest. I have a feeling that God is going to care a whole lot more about my heart than where I stand on issues. I am loved by a gracious, all knowing, all-powerful God. He is using all things for His good.